The Mandatory, Gratuitous, GW, Duo Gets Drunk Fic
by Divey
Summary: Duo gets drunk. Heero takes him home. Shonen-ai, but only if you dissect the lines carefully. Enjoy? (1x2, 3x4)


**The GW Gratuitous Duo-Gets-Drunk Fic**

**Disclaimer:** Can we pretend? No? Not even if we believe what Shakespeare said about the imagination? No?! ... Awww...

**A/N:** -.- Wow. I've fallen victim to the clichéd, drunken pilot story. Please enjoy! As in the series, shonen-ai abounds if you only know how to look for it. (1/2, 3/4)

**Text Note:** Yes, I've become a victim of the Random Japanese! ((feels very, very scummy)) Normally I try to avoid it like the plague; however, the muses have convinced me to make an exception, for the following reason.  
In this mandatory, clichéd fic, Duo gets drunk. As I don't particularly wish him to be an evil, psychotic drunk (although the amusing image did cross my mind!), I've decided to make him an excitable, adorable, whiny drunk. The words "hidoi" - meaning "meanie" - and "uwaa" - meaning ... um ... 'Waah" - are usually uttered in anime in such tones as to ingratiate themselves w/ the viewer, who would normally find it all very annoying.  
Oh, and if I've used it right, "Ninmu ryoukai" is Heero's adorable way of saying that the mission has been accepted. I figure, hey! If I'm already using Random Japanese, then why not add to the list of clichéd phrases already in overuse in fan stories?  
Thus ends my long-winded, unneeded explanation of the Random Japanese. I still feel scummy. ((pouts))

Duo gazed at the dimly-lit world around him and cackled. "Shin'gamiiiii rides again!" he yelled.  
  
Around him, the three other Gundam pilots stared, mostly with resignation. Trowa's visible eye stared impassively, but the distinct set to his jaw implied a certain degree of the lack of surprise. To the right, Quatre's eyes were wide - he was probably the only Gundam pilot who was surprised at Duo's condition, in addition to the bar they'd gone in. Undercover mission, Duo's addled brain added, and it 'twas pro'lly the only reason Heero was here at all. The other boy was glaring at him the most, both eyes narrowed in resignation and contempt.  
  
Duo sniffled. "Uwaaa! Hee-chan, you're so meeeean!" he wailed, springing forward and latching on to the surprised boy's shoulders. A muffled giggle rose from behind him, as Quatre frantically tried to stifle the mirth that wanted to rise up at the humorous situation.  
  
"You guys, I don't think Duo's ... um... at his best."  
  
Trowa was nodding emphatically, then paused and looked at around. "Where's 05?" he questioned softly. His voice was almost drowned out by the thumping of the bass in the background. Nevertheless, Heero and Quatre immediately understood the question. Quatre blinked as he peered through the smoky fog of the bar, trying to discern the relatively familiar form amidst the convulsing dancers on the floor. He couldn't find Wufei, but a glance at Heero found the prussian eyes gazed intently at the second floor.  
  
"Oh," Quatre exhaled. "He didn't wait for us? I thought we were going to do this mission together." Quatre probably would have sighed once more, but a gleeful yell from Duo's slumped form interrupted his musing. "Oh, dear," he murmured. "Duo doesn't look all that good, you guys."

Trowa blinked his affirmation. Heero grunted as Duo started sobbing into his tank top.  
  
"Hiddoiiiiii! You guys are so meeeeeaannn!" he wailed. And really, they were! Quatre wasn't rubbing his back in sympathy, Trowa was just standing there, and Heero...! Well, Heero. Huh. Would it kill him to show an expression? "Mean..." he murmured, still sobbing.  
  
Trowa turned a beautiful, forest green eye towards Quatre. As always, Quatre smiled, glad to be able to convey both of their emotions. "Heero, would you mind taking Duo home? After all, we still have to destroy an Oz base, and..."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Quatre blinked. "Was that a 'yes,' you can take him home, or a 'yes,' you would mind taking him home? He doesn't live that far away and..."  
  
"No." The narrowed eyes slanted ever further.  
  
Quatre stared, blinking. "Heero? Have you been drinking, too? That didn't make much sense."  
  
Heero twitched, although it could have just been a readjustment of his body as Duo inexplicably burrowed further into Heero's chest. "Heee-chaaaaaan!" the drunken pilot caroled.  
  
Trowa was staring at Heero's mildly revolted face. "This is bad. If he continues to attract attention and use our names in the process, Oz will soon locate us - even if they haven't been looking."  
  
Quatre nodded, his eyes already darting about the smoggy bar. He didn't see any obvious soldiers, but that was never an indication. Just as they operated incognito, so could the enemy.  
  
"Heero, this is getting dangerous. Please take him home, if only to avoid detection?"  
  
Heero stared a long moment at 03 and 04, then around the bar. He looked down at the giggling, braided idiot still clinging to his chest - and probably drooling - and then sighed. "Ninmu ryoukai."  
  
"Mission accepted!" Duo burst out. "Hee-chan, you always say that! You're like, like, a roboty gun. dam." There was a brief pause as the alcohol in his brain made things funnier. "A gummy rodam! Go, rodam! Fly hard for the futuuuure!"  
  
With a jerk, Heero quickly began dragging the stumbling pilot towards the exit, still trying hard to maintain at least their cover of inconspicuousy. Amongst the throbbing, pounding bass and the shrill screams of the audience, it was little trouble for the experienced pilot, but he was still dreading the outside.  
  
Heero gratefully breathed in the fresh air, then readjusted his grip on Duo's slender body. If he'd been capable of emotions - which he wasn't, of course - he most likely would have sighed in a mixture of annoyance and frustration. This ... service that he was rendering, for the sole sake of a mission, though it wasn't even his own - this service was most annoying.  
  
On his left, Duo burst out into giggles. "Alone at last, Hee-chan...!"  
  
Heero grew mildly alarmed, if such a thing were possible. "What?"  
  
Duo peered blearily upwards, "'Swat Releeeeeena wou' say, ne?"  
  
Heero had to grunt his agreement. "Hn. She would not say 'Hee-chan,' though."  
  
Duo rolled huge eyes, mocking in his insobriety, "You've never been alone with her, Hee-chan. 'tleast not when she stahrts babblin' 'boutchoo!"  
  
"Hn."  
  
Duo's eyes began to wobble as he stared upwards in a most pathetic manner. "'t makes me feel saaad, Hee-chan," he confided, leaning in closer to whisper softly near Heero's ear. "Because, because, y'see. It's... saaaaad."  
  
Heero automatically recoiled from the alcoholic fumes that were practically given physical forms in Duo's breath. While searching for the most efficient way to react to this relatively unexpected situation, he glanced up and, with great relief, saw they had arrived at Duo's temporary hovel.  
  
"We're here. Duo, get inside."  
  
"But! But! But, Hee-chaaaan!" Duo wailed, once again burrowing his head into Heero's green tank top.  
  
"Inside, Duo. I don't care to reason with a drunken fool."  
  
Suddenly, Duo slumped down to the abandoned pavement, a mocking smile on his face. "No you don't, do you? You don't care 'bout anything, Heero. And yet, and still, and all the time, you get girls crawling after you, b/c you're Mister Popularity. And it doesn't matter, right? 'Cause you're the Ferpect soldier, or shome crap like that, an' you don' need no-one, right? Right?"  
  
Heero blinked. "Ah."  
  
Duo began investigating the sidewalk's cracks. "An' thass what gets me, yanno? I mean, I mean that, I mean, I always needs peoples around, y'see? And they look at me, and they say, 'Duo's such a screwball. He'sh a funguy.' And they look at you and they say, "Man, that Heero's sho coolish, yanno? Let's go chase after him and sing praises to him and ignore Duo and mock Duo because, hey, Duo's not worth anything to us now that the almighty Heero's here, and you know what Heero?" Duo took a breath and glared at him again. "If the ground would stop twirlin', then I'd totally get up and kick your butt."  
  
Heero blinked again. "I can't help what people think. I only do what I am told to do."  
  
Duo stared upwards a long, long minute and for Heero, it was like the world had ceased to function.  
  
"You understand, right?"  
  
The lack of question in that statement surprised neither of them. The trials that the two of them had been through, separate or together, it had switched the tracks of their minds. Unlike the ordinary teens of the Earth and of the colonies, the gundam pilots ran in the destructive groove of death, blood, violence, and the all-important mission, no matter how much they wished otherwise.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"Will you be--"  
  
"Hmm..." And just like that, Duo's eyes closed and his body slumped down. The alcohol had obviously taken its toll on the other boy. Heero took a deep breath to restore his patience, then bent down to carry Duo inside.  
  
"This sucks," he muttered, giving vent to a swirling emotion inside him.  
  
Five minutes later, with Duo tucked in securely into the bed in the slovenly hovel he called a bedroom, Heero paused. Duo's face was still flushed, and his brow was wrinkled as he fought his way through alcoholic nightmares. Heero glanced at the nightstand, where two aspirin and a bottle of water rested, ready for when Duo awoke with the inevitable hangover. All was taken care of, really.  
  
Why was he still here?  
  
Duo murmured in pain, his eyebrows tracing hurt creases into his forehead. "No..."  
  
Heero hesitated, still frozen in place, then rested a gentle hand on Duo's brow. "You're not alone," he said softly, then left. Behind him, Duo's face relaxed.  
  
Relena, spying through a crack in Duo's wall, frowned in confusion. "'You're not alone?'" she repeated. "Who's not alone?"  
  
It didn't matter, she figured. Heero was leaving. Rising, she brushed the dirt off her skirt absently, and then followed him silently once more.  
  
Fin

**A/N: **Ok! Whew! All done! O-WA-RI! ((sighs)) Right. I tried to mix real-ness, humour, and mild angst all in a one-shot, and not sure how successful I was. Feedback, please?


End file.
